Thanks for CLICKing your way here. I guess most of you found your way here from RaveChix, welcome one and all! I know this post isn't really me, but thank you for allowing me to share this with you.
I've known I was a bisexual since I was 12. I'm 17, a college freshman, and my parents don't know because I'm too afraid and embarrassed to tell them.
Every day I wonder if I'm imagining these feelings, wishing I didn't have them, or wanting to explore them further. Sometimes I stare out my window with tears slowly streaming down my cheeks. I feel broken. Typically I'm far from the sad, brooding, pathetic teenager type--typically.
I've had boyfriends and girlfriends with varying degrees of success. I was straight for him, gay for her, you know? And now I've met someone. We just 'clicked.' She's adorable and funny and we can talk about everything until sunrise. I would joke with her about us being a couple and she agreed, we'd make the perfect couple. I want to have her in my life. I want the chance to love her.
Last weekend we were doing movies at her place: Top 10 Saddest Movies of All Time. I brought lots of extra tissues 'cuz we were going to need them.
We made it through Terms of Endearment, Steel Magnolias, and Beaches. By then our eyes hurt from all the tears and we were awash with emotions. We were nearing the end of My Girl when...trying to seize the opportunity...I took a chance...I leaned over and kissed her. My heart lept from my chest as our lips met.
She just laid there, frozen. I kissed her again and for a moment she seemed to kiss me back. I felt her lips, our tongues met...I didn't imagine that. And then it happened: she pushed me away and told me that I should leave because she's tired. I left horrified and SO so embarrassed. I've tried to reach out, to explain, to...apologize?...she won't see me, she won't talk to me. Is our friendship over? Have I lost her forever? In my entire life I have never felt more alone, confused, or as afraid as I do now. Am I broken? I feel broken.
I want nothing more than to cry in my daddy's arms. He always knows the right thing to say, gives the best advice, and is hands-down the most supportive person I know. If it were a guy, no problem, but a girl? No, not that. I don't think I could ever tell him that. Not religious, my parents just feel it's against nature. Am I?
Everyone I know can go through their day without giving their sexual identity a single thought. Why do I flip between gay and straight? What is wrong with me? Why can't this ONE FUCKING THING be easy?
Kasey Confused, period.